God Got Himself a Lawyer

I posted a week or so ago about Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers' lawsuit of God for "terrorizing" humanity with threats of death, destruction, and eternal discomfort. I jokingly suggested that God needed a cheap lawyer to represent him.

Low and behold, my call has been answered. Eric Perkins, an attorney from Texas, has answered the challenging lawsuit with a responding defense. He said was an exercise akin to "What Would Jesus Do" because he just wondered what he thought God would say in his defense. His legal filing rejects Chamber's claims that God should be brought under jurisdiction in Davis County because he is omnipresent. Perkins contends that God cannot be held under authority by any human court any more that the wind, rain, or sun could. He also stated that God cannot be blamed for "terroristic" actions because mankind has brought calamity on themselves by ignoring clearly posted warnings.

A second defense brief appeared on the court's desk, but no one knows where it came from. It seemed to just "drop out of heaven" and it claims to be filed by God and has Michael the Arch angle as the witness.

Only in America.

God Seeks Good Lawyer at Resonable Price

Ernie Chambers, a member of the Nebraska House of Representatives, is suing God. He filed his injunction in the District court of Douglas County, Nebraska, on September 14, 2007.

In an effort to protect the people of Nebraska's right to frivolous lawsuits, Representative Chambers is calling God out on the carpet because he "has made and continues to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons" and "directly and proximately has caused, inter alia, fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating drouths [sic], genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like."

Chambers, ironically an avowed agnostic, has no problem suing a God he is not sure is there and does not live on earth. God claims to exist and to be omnipresent - therefore if he exists, he is personally present in Douglas County.

Chambers bases his accusation on the fact that God "has made admissions against Defendant's own interests to various, hand-picked chroniclers of yore regarding the making of terroristic threats and the causing of calamitous catastrophes resulting in widespread death, destruction, and terrorization [sic] of millions and millions of earth's inhabitants...without mercy or distinction." Further, Chambers claims that God has "directed said chroniclers to assemble and disseminate in written form, said admissions, throughout the earth in order to inspire fear, dread, anxiety, terror and uncertainty, in order to coerce obedience to Defendant's will."

In response to this public challenge, God said nothing.

An unauthorized insider, though, responded to this legal challenge by saying, "What can I say? I can see where someone would say God is a terrorist, especially when you only look at the parts of the story where he is killing people and stuff. I mean, what kind of God would terrorize his own Son and kill him? Sure Jesus rose again on the third day, but I am sure those three days were hell."